Rod (Give me some Jokers) Rodriguez -Rod has a tendency to be really hot or really cold. When he’s losing, you will hear him repeat like a broken record; “Give me some Jokers. Would you please give me some Jokers!?” Rod visualizes and dreams about Jokers so much, he’s turned into one. And another thing…. when Rod says his cards suck, he really has 4 jokers in his hand and burns you. And THAT’s no joke! Rod’s always singing some sad song at the Zone. Some of his hits include Rack em up I got spaghetti Hurry up, I’m falling asleep Bust em in da head BONZI That’s a bullshit

Steve (It’s a Wrap) Reynolds -Steve is a big, tall, and strapping young man much like Paul Bunyan. He is the mellowest fellow at The Smoke Zone. His calculating sharp mind and stubborn determination makes Steve a top player of the game. Steve can cut down as many Screwie Louie players as Paul Bunyan did trees. He likewise has a taste for great whisky and good conversation.

Tim (Le Porsche) -Tim Collins is rumored to be the youngest son of actress Joan Collins. Even with his Hollywood good looks, Tim decided that he wanted no free ride in movies because of his mother’s fame, deciding instead to burn cigars and master the art of Screwie Louie. I had the pleasure of playing as Tim’s partner the other day and we won every single game. Tim is mild mannered and never has a bad thing to say about anyone. He is as stoic as Marcus Aurelius in the epic movie Gladiator. You can find Tim engaging his follow card-mates at the Zone.

Travis (The Spinner) Spinning the cards is when you have so many jokers in your hand, even though you can Go Down, you keep waiting for better cards to use your jokers. Travis has gotten so good at spinning the cards, that he’s turned that talent into trying to get on the LA Lakers roster. While the team was impressed with his balls skills, Lew Alcindor advised him to try his luck with the Harlem Globetrotters. Needless to say, Travis declined their offer as ball cleaner since he would have had to pay more taxes moving to New York City. He instead decided to stay with his Zone brethren, especially…

Chester (The Inspiration) As a child, Chester loved hanging out on his native Jamaican beaches and listening to reggae and ska music. Bob Marley took notice of Chester’s musical genius and surfing abilities and they both helped to create the SkaBeach good-vibrations-music trend which is still un-trending to this day. Chester, now established as an elder in the dread traditions of Santa Clarita, can be found playing Screwie at the Zone and Cigar Clientele.  

Louis (Card Shark) Louis has got a mind like a steel trap. What makes a card shark, you ask? Answer: A photographic memory. Bring extra $10’s when you sit at the table with Louis. This game should be called Screwie Louis.

Pat (The Sheriff) Pat is known to have the fastest hand west of The Mississippi. When Pat is in town you best lay down your cards and pay up. I’ve seen personally how fast he is. He laid down a 7-card run with just 9 cards in his holster. Now that’s fast! BEWARE “The Sheriff”  

Kirk (The Captain) Loves Screwie Louie so much, he offers his house up to all those who bring goodwill, libations, cigars, and a game. Many a cold night have his Screwie brothers and sisters sat out in his backyard, gazing affectionately at his smokey cosmos.

Doc Rich (The Precisionist)   Not much is known of DOC as he rarely comes out from behind his surgical mask. Doc loves Screwie Louie so much, he will play with anyone, even if they’re comatose or in ICU. The poor guy in the hospital bed had been Doc’s Screwie team partner. He had put down an ace with two jokers, not knowing Doc had already put down an ace with two jokers, thus screwing the jokers. What happened next, was no joke. The stiff ended up in ICU. Yes, he is a REAL doctor!

  Lorenzo (The Italian Stallion) – Can multi-task while watching sports on TV and playing Screwie Louie. Legend has it that Lorenzo is a descendant of the Medici family of Italy. Having been raised as a child in the northern Tuscany region, the boy-child loved picking grapes in the family’s vast vineyard and enjoyed frolicking with the grape-stomping maidens.  It is rumored that Lorenzo had a family blood feud, with his older brother Mario, which caused Lorenzo to be banished into exile as the black sheep of the family. His new home became Valencia, California after Lorenzo was adopted by his Screwie Louie bothers and sisters. He can, on occasion,…